I broke up with my OB and it’s been an empowering ride!
I’ve gotten a lot of questions about moving my care from a traditional OB to a midwife and birth center, so I thought I’d share my experience for anyone else who may be going down the same path and feeling like something just isn’t *right*
This is not an attack on anyone who has delivered in a hospital with an OB – there is not one right way to birth a baby. For me, I was open to giving my long time OB/GYN the opportunity to show me that I was in the right place with her, but it didn’t happen.
So, what happened?
I’d been a patient with my OB/GYN for 13 years. For routine annual care, she was nice, kind, but always fast. Not anything I was concerned about. I thought, “she doesn’t spend a lot of time on the GYN side because she’s busy giving her attention to the OB side. One day I’ll be thankful for that.” My mom was her patient, my grandmother was her patient, and I’ve recommended her to many local friends.
Once I became pregnant, I was hopeful and expectant of guidance and education. I was met with example after example that showed me I was a number on a chart, a block on the schedule that needed to stay on pace. I was shown that education and patient care took second chair to productivity and profit. It was frustrating to say the least.
What do you mean?
The first red flag for me was the excruciatingly long wait time to have my first appointment after confirming pregnancy. Even after a miscarriage, they still wouldn’t see me until 11 weeks. It felt like a cruel joke, “if you can make it this long then we’ll take you on as a patient.”
Arguably, the most critical trimester is the first and I was given no access to my doctor or guidance on do’s/don’t’s until the first appointment. It felt like I was in the dark with no option but to pray for the best. Google and the Flo app were my sources of education. Although helpful, I would have preferred to learn from my doctor during such a critical time.
The second and third red flags came after my first couple of visits. I learned two things simultaneously:
1. My window of time with my doctor was shockingly short. I was getting about six actual face time minutes with her at each visit. This felt appalling. Where was the care I was sure she was giving to her OB patients all of these years?
2. I’d better come prepared with questions because she’s not giving me any education. Since I was getting most of my education from Google, many of my questions were confirm/deny. For example, “Is it true that…? I’ve read that I shouldn’t… what’s your opinion?” She answered my questions, but unfortunately they felt very dismissive and short. Almost like I was taking up too much of her time.
I left feeling like there had to be a better way.
I wanted giving birth to be something I actively do, not something that happens to me.
I wanted to learn, grow stronger, and become more prepared to deliver in the healthiest way possible. I wasn’t getting that from her.
The third and final red flag that confirmed this was not the right fit was sharing my desires to have an unmedicated natural birth. Repeatedly, I shared that this was important to me and I’d like to learn from her what strategies and books she recommended to prepare myself. Dismissively, I was told, “Well, some of my patients have tried hypnotherapy. Maybe you could try that.” That was it.
It felt like she didn’t care if I was prepared or not. If I couldn’t push out this baby, she was just going to cut it out.
These experiences, paired with my continued education on the healthcare system, confirmed that profit over people was the shared goal for this clinic.
There is more money to be made through the cascade of interventions. It is most beneficial to them that I 1. Be induced before my body is naturally ready 2. Get an epidural because I have no pain management strategies 3. Receive Pitocin to speed things along 4. Have an unplanned cesarean because of the effects of the Pitocin on the baby heart rate.
In the US, the cesarean rate is 32%. Here in the DFW metroplex, it’s 40%. That’s more than double what the World Health Organization recommends at 10-15%.
Are there times when C-sections are absolutely necessary? Yes, without question.
I also believe that if less interventions were taken in the beginning, the rate of C-sections would be much lower.
This sent me down the path of Midwifery.
I was desperate for education and someone that actually cared about this birth. I’d also like to mention that I might not have considered this option if I hadn’t read The Frozen River by Ariel Lawhon last year. It taught me so much about midwifery and what our bodies instinctually know how to do.
Through recommendations and research, I found a birthing center run by midwives in my area. My husband and I signed up for a free tour and it was like the stars aligned.
We learned more in that free tour than we had at all of my OB appointments. They understood exactly where my frustrations were with the traditional hospital route and outlined how they support natural births with education, strategies for pain management, and exercises to prepare my body to do what it innately knows how to do. They care about my nutrition, the quality of supplements I’m taking, and that we feel informed every step of the way.
I’m a little over halfway through my pregnancy and I pray that I continue to be low risk. I’m doing everything in my control to grow and deliver a healthy baby. I understand that not everyone’s experiences look like mine and sometimes the hospital route is the only option.
But, for anyone who may read this that’s feeling the disconnect from their OB, it’s not just you. It’s a system that we don’t necessarily have to be a pawn in.
I feel very blessed that I’m able to meet with my team of midwives on the same schedule that I would have with my OB and receive a level of care that is so much deeper. It’s very empowering and reassuring that we made the right call to change our care.
